After reading the above article, a friend wistfully wondered what it would be like if the handlers were to make profiles for people.

Here's mine:

The wild Sunshine Loveacockus is easy enough to mate once in the mood, but the critical factors needed to achieve such a mood are daunting. The stars must all be in alignment, the stud must not smell like soap nor sweat, he must have a degree in physics or advanced mathematics, his name must not start with the letter J, and he must be markedly unique and slightly deviant from the species norm as evidenced by grade school ostracism patterns.

As far as the bitch goes, her bills must all be paid and her email completely read and answered. There must be no other competing appointments, priorities, or tasks in her immediate awareness. The ingestion of massive amounts of cannabis sativa appears to help with  friendliness and overall receptiveness. Absent the herb, the female is quite moody and uncooperative and assumes some rather undesirable masculine qualities such as an obsessive interest in work or computers. Proper care, feeding, and spoiling is critical.

Given these factors, the likelihood of successful breeding goes down exponentially in captivity as many if not all of these criterion are difficult to meet by current staffing faculty. It is our recommendation that this bitch be taken out of the breeding pool and used only to stimulate the stud males while a more pliant mare be brought in for the actual insemination process.

Are you high maintenance?

http://www.selectsmart.com/FREE/select.php?client=sanaginoyume

I scored somewhere between "low maintenance" and "dominatrix". Go figure.