I am so not a "dominant". Nor am I a "submissive". In fact, I don't "do" dominance and submission at all, except in real life.

Somewhere down the line, these two stupid terms took over the entire kink consciousness so that now everyone has to pick one of these lame ass non-nouns to describe their sexual inclinations and scene role. Well, fuck that inanity.

BDSM in full stands for Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, and Sadism & Masochism. That's six damn things to choose from, and I only choose three: bondage, sadism, and masochism. I'm also into Bottoming & (less often) Topping, both in bed and in the dungeon. But you can keep your discipline, dominance, and submission. I've had enough of that in real life.

The real problem is apathy. I simply don't care.

I don't care enough about anybody to dominate them. Especially not for fun. What the fuck do I care what they do? I'm certainly not going to spend all my precious free time thinking of new ways to order somebody around who is probably just going to balk on me anyway.

I have no interest in telling people to do what they don't want to do, unless it directly affects my bottom line. I don't even really have any interest in telling them to do what they do want to do. I'd rather they just do it. If I wanted to spell every little thing out over and over again verbally, I'd just have kids.

I have even less interest in submission. Most people are unimaginative. Why should I follow their orders? To get them hot? Yawn. If it don't get my pussy wet, I ain't gonna do it. The best top I ever had used to trick me into submission. That was pretty hot. He'd use my sex drive against me, and I got one hell of a rush from the embarrassment and humiliation. But he never said "blow me, bitch" or any of this other insta-top nonsense people seem to want to play with. It was psychological warfare, plain and simple. Good stuff.

My submission is like my respect - I only offer it when I truly feel it. Sometimes I do, but it's usually pretty vanilla. Things like making cookies and running errands are deep signs of my internal submission. I hate running errands, and I won't do it for hardly anyone, ever. Not even myself. I'd rather have delivery, or just put it off.

I don't know how my dominance comes out in real life, although I know it does. I suspect it has something to do with writing, and being "right". Or my persistence. My persistence can be pretty overwhelmingly dominant, I'm sure.

Then I get the guys who want me to tell them what to do, both on the phone and in person. Great. Groovy. Who the fuck are you, again? I don't know you. I don't care about you. I don't know shit about you, as a matter of fact. How the hell am I supposed to tell you what to do?

Worse, these wankers will say stuff like they only want to please me, but then they get awfully picky about what they think should please me, and how I should be pleased. "Hit me harder, Mistress. No, not there - lower. I only want to please you. Harder, and to the left. I only want to make you happy." Yeah, right.

Again, they don't know me, or care about what actually pleases me. What would please me is for them to shut the fuck up or at least to drop the pretense of catering to me. Because they're not. Most of us aren't.

Most of us just want our jolly bits and emotions played with until we're pushed to the brink and back again by whomever is willing and up to the task. And then we want to cum. Okay, most of us want to cum. I think some people get off on being denied, but I'm certainly not one of them. As a matter of fact, that's one way to make sure I never play with you again, is to deny me orgasms. You can keep your orgasm control - I want to get off. Extensively. That's why I do this.

I guess that's what makes pro-domming so difficult. What I like, what really pleases me, is orgasms. And to make men scream in pain. Not necessarily at the same time, but sometimes the latter can lead to the former. All this legal and societal nonsense about separating SM from sex makes things a total pain in the ass.

Even on the phone, the way I want to dominate men often has very little to do with the way they want to be dominated. They want me to use them as if I was a man, not a woman. What's the fun in that? I can't get off on being a powerful woman if I'm pretending to be an asshole man.

Because if it were all about me, as these morons profess, they would enjoy the idea of being subjected to the slavish servitude of my perfect, powerful pussy and its endless supply of glistening juices. They would get off on what gets me off, and not just say they do.  I am so tired of that shit. You just have no idea.

Although I suppose it wouldn't hurt me to add a few choice phrases to my vocabulary, such as "worship me, bitch" and others of that ilk.

Okay, here's the thing: I can't give orders unless it's something really important or somebody is just doing something completely wrong. And then you'd better bet I'm in total control, because I think I know best.

I don't really have that hubris or expertise into people's sexual psyche yet. And I'm not going to fake it until I do. There's lots of dommes who do, and the clients tell me later that they don't like that. It either scares them or insults their intelligence.

Sometimes I wish I had a script. That's what lots of folks in the adult professions do, they find a script and then stick with it. No matter what. No matter who. Again, the clients can tell. I may not have the best shtick in the land, but at least I try to make each experience an individual fit.

I confuse dominance with yelling, I suppose. I don't like getting yelled at. Or being told what to do. So it makes me extremely uninclined to inflict that experience upon someone else. Unless it matters. Then you can't stop me from telling you what to do.

Dominance comes from a strong place of caring. That's what people are looking for, but it's not something that can be manufactured on the spot. At least not by me. I'm not a very good bullshit artist, and my improv sucks. I suppose I should work on that.

Oh well, all things with time. Like I said, once I'm an expert in something, there's no shutting me up. I'm just not quite where I want to be in my learning curve yet. I really ought to pick up some psychology classes one of these days. And I should probably read more smut.