I suppose the thing that irritates me the most about Mr. Would-you-like-to-fuck-me? is the very question itself.

Enter cluebat. Swing hard.

No, I don't want to fuck you. I don't particularly want to fuck anybody. I want to get fucked.

See, there's two types of people in this world; fuckers and fuckees. Fuckers like to fuck, fuckees like to get fucked. I'm definitely a fuckee.

In gay sex, they call this topping and bottoming, respectively. Fuckers top, fuckees bottom. It's like the natural order of the universe or something. And there's nothing to say that one can't switch and do the other, because sexuality does tend to be fluid, but often there is a clear preference. Mine is extremely clear. I want to be fucked.

That means me on the bottom, you on top. You give, I receive. You pitch, I catch. You move, I moan. Get the point, or should I go on?

When a guy asks me if I want to fuck him, the first thing I think of is that he wants to be fucked in the ass. That would be me fucking him, right? Now in the case of this last fellow, I'm sure he just wants to lay back and have me ride and service his cock like some giggly demented cowgirl. Oh fucking yay. Joy and jazz and all that bullshit.

Again, be still my beating heart.

Nay. No. Nada. Not a chance in hell. One more time for the folks in the back of the room.

I want to be fucked. Me.

Me, me, me, me, me!

Me.

Fuck me.

All my life I've been attracting guys that think because I'm a confident, determined woman that I should be the dominant woman of their dreams, which apparently means that I should be on top. Well, fuck you, your lazy horny ass, and the horse you rode in on. But do it with somebody else's dick, because I just ain't interested. I've been fucking other people for far too long, and it ain't what gets my pussy wet. I need to restore some balance to my personal universe. More dick, please - and make it a double.

It's been in the news lately that women respond to being wanted, to being the object of desire. I can't speak for all women, but this certainly does ring true for me. I want to be wanted. I want to be desired, taken, consumed, and devoured. Obviously lots of guys want that too, and they all look to me to find it. Keep looking buddy - because the first rule here is, once again, me first. Unhappy woman equals no sex drive. No sex drive equals no cookie for you. Not that I don't give out cookies, but my fridge had damn well better be full first. And it ain't.

The balance in my force is way disturbed. I live, play, and work in the kink world. This makes me even more of a target for bottom cravers. Even more loathsome is when they masquerade under the name of "dom". Oh fucking please.

I'm beginning to doubt that any man is ever anything I would consider to be dominant. The general trend tends to be for women to be in control of sex, no matter the surface dynamic. Take me, for example. I'm not particularly into being "dominant", but I want to be fucked the way I want it when I want it. And I prefer to be on the bottom while doing so, with my face in the pillows and my ass in the air.

Is the man who fucks me the way I like to be fucked being dominant because he's on top or submissive because he's giving me what I want? The simple answer is "Who the fuck cares?" as long as he does it, and does it good.

Back to Mr. Real's approach above. "Do you want to fuck me?" is a ludicrous question. What am I, some kind of sex crazed man-eating predator who is so indiscriminate that she needs to harvest new dick from anonymous internet wankers? I think not.

On the other hand, what if his initial query had been something like "I want to fuck you"?

Still crude, still unsolicited, but yet it includes something vital that his actual communication did not.

Interest. In me.

Me, me, me, me, me.

Me.

See the trend?

Fuck me.