So here's the thing. I'm totally okay with talking about fucking guys in the ass and fantasizing about sliding my big rubber dick in and out of their horny little brown holes. I love the idea of watching big burly guys get bent over by chicks with dicks, other guys, or really anyone else and cheering them along madly as they bounce and buck and get soundly fucked. Yeah.

But I really don't want to be the one wielding the implements of his ass destruction. I don't want to wiggle my fingers in, or my mouth, or my cock. And it's not just guys; I don't even really want to play with girl butts, either, even though they somehow seem cuter and cleaner in my admittedly biased and irrational opinion.

I get that people like it. I get that it feels good and is really hot and taboo. I like it, too. God, do I like it. I love, love, Love, LOVE having my butt licked, fingered, and fucked. But at the end of the day, the truth of it is that licking, fingering & fucking other people's butts doesn't do much for me. Try as I might, I just can't seem to summon up any enthusiasm for backdoor exploration. And I've tried. Lord, have I tried.

The theory doesn't bother me. As mentioned above, I can talk about it for hours. I'll be the most supportive woman in the world about your need to be anally reamed, right up to the point where I'm expected to help. Then it's like my sex drive completely turns off.

Part of me wonders if it's just simple squeamishness. After all, I have similar issues with oral sex and kissing. Giving head used to squick me out something fierce and I still haven't managed to entirely embrace cunnilingus. Rimming isn't exactly at the top of my to-do list, either. It doesn't help that I bite my nails into bloody snarled stubs. That gives me all sorts of issues about where I put my fingers.

A lot of it depends upon partner, I'm sure. I tend to only engage in oral with people I'm way head over heels in love/lust with. It just often feels too intimate for anything else. Rimming is even more so. You can guaranfuckintee that if I've got my tongue stuck up someone's butt that 1) they've recently had a shower and 2) that I'd practically sell my soul for a chance to get closer to them.

I haven't had successful girl on boy butt sex yet with someone I love and respect. I've had a couple failures that fit that category, and a couple successes with people I couldn't give a shit about. Thing is, I'm not sure I can overcome my strong revulsion to the particular gender role reversal implicit in this activity enough to get past it with someone I love and still continue to respect them in the morning.

It didn't work with my ex husband. I lost several degrees of respect for him after I encouraged him to express his butt toy loving side and he oh so enthusiastically did. Sure, it was cool with me that he liked putting my little pink vibrator in his happy pink pucker place, but something about him writhing around with it sticking out of his big round tush begging me to fuck him with it still manages to bring me to to kind of an unhappy looking to escape place. That's not what I signed up for. I'm not sure exactly what I thought would happen. All I know is that I wanted him to be free to explore his fantasies without judgment. And then I couldn't deal with it when he did.

Damn it, maybe I'm just selfish. I want to be the one writhing on the bed begging to be fucked. Maybe I'm jealous. Maybe that's what all this is about. Maybe that's what it's always about. Maybe I just resent the living fucking hell out of all these guys who are so entranced with their new found sensuality that they completely ignore mine.

I admit it, I want to be the center of attention. I want to be the happy slutty party toy with every happy hole filled and fucked. Just like everyone else does. Maybe if I ever let my inner slut out all the way again, it will free me up to help others with theirs. I find it hard to be giving when operating from a position of perceived scarcity. Or maybe I just don't like butts.

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