Okay, this is fascinating collision of tangents.

Back when I worked for Blue Shield, I started smoking pot much more heavily, mainly due to the fact that a coworker of mine grew and sold the most amazing high energy furry orange stuff. For the first time ever, pot gave me energy instead of taking it away. That was a major turning point. I had that supply for exactly one season and then never again. But once I knew it could be done, I trained my body to respond similarly to (most) any weed.

I was also smoking at least a pack of cigarettes a day, just like I had been since 1989. I've always had lung issues. Croup until I was seven. Allergy to dust. Nill ability to hold my breath. Asthma. Then add 17 years of smoking. I coughed every day for all of my teens and twenties. It got really bad at that job, though. I was also alternately involved with raging alcoholics or methheads and partaking alongside, depending. My respiratory system was hashed.

This friend, who shall forever remain unnamed (although my roomates used to rather artlessly refer to that particular strain as "Jane" Weed - not her real name) notices me coughing uncontrollably at work and sends me off to the health food store in search of something called n-acetyl cysteine, or NAC.

Sure, what the fuck; I had nothing to lose but ongoing humiliation and embarrassment. These coughs were intense. I don't do anything half assed. When I smoke, I smoke; and when I party, I party. I had the worst smoker's cough I'd ever heard until I met my friend Kelly, and then the competition was on.

So I found the stuff and started taking double to triple the regular dosage as she'd recommended. Within a few days, my cough had cleared up immensely. Amazing stuff. Like all vitamins, it's not cheap, thirty dollars for a jar of 120, but it lasts through several bouts. I had just a few left and I started taking them recently.

Although I quit smoking cigarettes three years ago last month, it took awhile for the cough to come down. After awhile I realized that I should probably try to stop smoking pot. So I got a vaporizer instead. That did help. I didn't like the delivery timing or effects as much as directly smoking, but it did help with my cough. However, I haven't been doing that since I moved to the Bay Area. Instead I've been burning some of the most god awful stuff through some of the dirtiest resinated pipes possible. So I've been waking up with smoker's cough again. No fucking way. That's simply intolerable. I hate coughing. That's one of the major reasons I quit smoking.

Didn't feel like trying to find this stuff in a health food store around here. Thank goodness for the internet. Was taking my vitamins this morning and saw the near empty jar. Took the last one and came to look online to see if I could order more. Started googling. Velly, velly interesting...

1. Stanford is currently recruiting autistic children to see if NAC can help treat behavioral and social symptoms. It's a bit late for me, but if you're nearby and have a kid on the spectrum, I say go for it.


2. University of Minnesota Medical School researchers discovered that it may help stop the urges of those with trichotillomania, a disorder characterized by compulsive hair-pulling. Whenever I see one of these skin picking or hair pulling disorders, I immediately think of my mangled fingertips.


3. NCA is also recommended as a treatment in Changing the Course of Autism: A Scientific Approach for Parents and Physicians


4. From the Appendix F of Autistic Spectrum Disorders: Finding a Diagnosis and Getting Help:
   






N-Acetyl-Cysteine (NAC)




Use: Seizure disorders, heavy metal poisoning, aspirin or acetaminophen poisoning, viral infection, epilepsy, diabetes, movement disorders, degenerative neurological disorders, including multiple sclerosis.




Action, if known: This antioxidant amino acid increases synthesis of glutathione. It appears to have chelating effects that help remove toxic heavy metals from the body. NAC is the acetylated version of the sulfur amino acid, l-Cysteine. In the body, it turns into l-Cysteine, which in turn is a precursor to glutathione.






5. According to Wikipedia, the pharmaceutical version is not only is used medically to treat lung disorders but also amphetamine overdose. But where it gets really interesting is the non medically established usages:





The following uses have not been well-established or investigated:








• Evidence that NAC and other antioxidants can exert beneficial effects on pancreatic b-cell function in diabetes was published in a 1999 study. The authors conclude that a sufficient supply of antioxidants (NAC, vitamin C plus vitamin E, or both) may prevent or delay b-cell dysfunction in diabetes by providing protection against glucose toxicity.^[17]











• NAC is undergoing clinical trials in the United States for the treatment of obsessive-compulsive disorder.^[18] It is thought to counteract the glutamate hyperactivity in OCD.











• NAC has been shown to reduce cravings associated with chronic cocaine use in a study conducted at the Medical University of South Carolina^[19][20]











• It may reduce the incidence of chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) exacerbations^[21]











• In the treatment of AIDS, NAC has been shown to cause a "marked increase in immunological functions and plasma albumin concentrations"^[22] Albumin concentration are inversely correlated with muscle wasting (cachexia), a condition associated with AIDS.











• An animal study indicates that acetylcysteine may decrease mortality associated with influenza ^[23]











• Animal studies suggest that NAC may help prevent noise-induced hearing loss. ^[24] A clinical trial to determine efficacy in preventing noise-induced sensorineural hearing loss in humans is currently (2006) being jointly conducted by the US Army and US Navy.^{[citation needed]}











• A human study of 262 primarily elderly individuals indicates that NAC may decrease influenza symptoms. In the study, 25% of virus-infected subjects NAC treatment developed a symptoms, whereas 79% in the placebo group developed symptoms. ^[25]











• It has been suggested that NAC may help sufferers of Samter's triad by increasing levels of glutathione allowing faster breakdown of salicylates, though there is no evidence that it is of benefit ^[26]











• There are claims that acetylcysteine taken together with vitamin C and B1 can be used to prevent and relieve symptoms of veisalgia (hangover following ethanol (alcohol) consumption). The claimed mechanism is through scavenging of acetaldehyde, a toxic intermediate in the metabolism of ethanol.^[27][28]











• It has been shown to help women with PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) to reduce insulin problems and possibly improve fertility. ^[29]











• Small studies have shown acetylcysteine to be of benefit to sufferers of blepharitis^{[citation needed]} and has been shown to reduce ocular soreness caused by Sjogren's syndrome.^{[citation needed]}











• Studies in mice models of Ataxia Telangictasia (ATM knockout) indicate that NAC prevents genomic instability and retards lymphomagenesis in these animals.^{[citation needed]} Clinical trials in human AT patients are underway.^{[citation needed]}











• It has been shown to help trichotillomania^[30], a condition causing compulsive hair-pulling.











• It has been shown to help methylmercury poisoning^[31]











• It has been shown effective in Unverricht-Lundborg disease in an open trial in 4 patients. A marked decrease in myoclonus and some normalization of somatosensory evoked potentials with N -acetylcysteine treatment has been documented. http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/1153370-overview









I think I want to start taking it regularly just to see if it helps me quit biting my nails. All that talk of OCD and trichotillomania really rung my bells. I've only ever met one other human being in my life that bit her nails the way I do. And that was twenty years ago. It's not a habit, it's a disorder, an uncontrollable and compulsive one that causes major discomfort and inconvenience in my life. I don't bite my nails because I want to, but because I can't stop. If this could help...

Ha! I'm not the only one to draw this connection:







Nail-Biting Stuff? The Effect of N-acetyl Cysteine on Nail-Biting







Many findings in psychopharmacology are a result of clinical observation of serendipitous findings; this pattern is repeated in this case series. Pathological nail biting is a disorder that begins in adolescence and is regarded as a disruption of normal grooming behavior. This behavior is regarded as being in the compulsive-impulsive spectrum and is associated with psychological consequences including reduced self-esteem, as well as localized trauma and risk of infection.¹ There is minimal data on the treatment of nail biting, with preliminary research suggesting that serotonergic agents may be of value, akin to other disorders in that spectrum such as compulsive skin picking and trichotillomania.²




One safe and well-tolerated compound that offers some promise as a potential treatment in compulsive-impulsive disorders is N-acetylcysteine (NAC).³ NAC is widely available as a nutraceutical supplement and is an agent with multiple properties. It has an antioxidant action in its own right and influences neutrophil inhibition, antimicrobial attachment, vasodilation, and mucolysis.³ For over half a century it has been used therapeutically, traditionally as a mucolytic, in the treatment of paracetamol poisoning and most recently as a renal protectant.⁴




Thus far, five cases of reduction in grooming disorders (trichotillomania, skin picking, and nailbiting) with NAC have been reported,⁵ with a single case report describing its use in the treatment refractory of obsessive-compulsive disorder.⁶ NAC has also been demonstrated to be useful in other impulsivity related behaviours. Grant and colleagues⁷ gave open-labelled NAC (600??1,800 mg/day) to 27 subjects with pathological gambling, with 16 responders after 8 weeks of treatment. Studies by LaRowe and colleagues⁸ and Mardikian and colleagues⁹ suggest that NAC may be useful  for the treatment of cocaine addiction.








That's the same way they discovered that WellButrin helped people stop smoking. They were testing it as an antidepressant and people just spontaneously lost their interest in smoking. Total awesomeness.





Buy N-Acetyl Cysteine on Amazon

So here's the thing. I'm totally okay with talking about fucking guys in the ass and fantasizing about sliding my big rubber dick in and out of their horny little brown holes. I love the idea of watching big burly guys get bent over by chicks with dicks, other guys, or really anyone else and cheering them along madly as they bounce and buck and get soundly fucked. Yeah.

But I really don't want to be the one wielding the implements of his ass destruction. I don't want to wiggle my fingers in, or my mouth, or my cock. And it's not just guys; I don't even really want to play with girl butts, either, even though they somehow seem cuter and cleaner in my admittedly biased and irrational opinion.

I get that people like it. I get that it feels good and is really hot and taboo. I like it, too. God, do I like it. I love, love, Love, LOVE having my butt licked, fingered, and fucked. But at the end of the day, the truth of it is that licking, fingering & fucking other people's butts doesn't do much for me. Try as I might, I just can't seem to summon up any enthusiasm for backdoor exploration. And I've tried. Lord, have I tried.

The theory doesn't bother me. As mentioned above, I can talk about it for hours. I'll be the most supportive woman in the world about your need to be anally reamed, right up to the point where I'm expected to help. Then it's like my sex drive completely turns off.

Part of me wonders if it's just simple squeamishness. After all, I have similar issues with oral sex and kissing. Giving head used to squick me out something fierce and I still haven't managed to entirely embrace cunnilingus. Rimming isn't exactly at the top of my to-do list, either. It doesn't help that I bite my nails into bloody snarled stubs. That gives me all sorts of issues about where I put my fingers.

A lot of it depends upon partner, I'm sure. I tend to only engage in oral with people I'm way head over heels in love/lust with. It just often feels too intimate for anything else. Rimming is even more so. You can guaranfuckintee that if I've got my tongue stuck up someone's butt that 1) they've recently had a shower and 2) that I'd practically sell my soul for a chance to get closer to them.

I haven't had successful girl on boy butt sex yet with someone I love and respect. I've had a couple failures that fit that category, and a couple successes with people I couldn't give a shit about. Thing is, I'm not sure I can overcome my strong revulsion to the particular gender role reversal implicit in this activity enough to get past it with someone I love and still continue to respect them in the morning.

It didn't work with my ex husband. I lost several degrees of respect for him after I encouraged him to express his butt toy loving side and he oh so enthusiastically did. Sure, it was cool with me that he liked putting my little pink vibrator in his happy pink pucker place, but something about him writhing around with it sticking out of his big round tush begging me to fuck him with it still manages to bring me to to kind of an unhappy looking to escape place. That's not what I signed up for. I'm not sure exactly what I thought would happen. All I know is that I wanted him to be free to explore his fantasies without judgment. And then I couldn't deal with it when he did.

Damn it, maybe I'm just selfish. I want to be the one writhing on the bed begging to be fucked. Maybe I'm jealous. Maybe that's what all this is about. Maybe that's what it's always about. Maybe I just resent the living fucking hell out of all these guys who are so entranced with their new found sensuality that they completely ignore mine.

I admit it, I want to be the center of attention. I want to be the happy slutty party toy with every happy hole filled and fucked. Just like everyone else does. Maybe if I ever let my inner slut out all the way again, it will free me up to help others with theirs. I find it hard to be giving when operating from a position of perceived scarcity. Or maybe I just don't like butts.

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Some fucking dimbo just called my genius boyfriend a troll. I love it when folks without profile pics use words like that.about 4 hours ago from TweetDeck

I will NOT private message the dimbo to let her know just how far off she is. I will NOT publicly humiliate & abase her...about 4 hours ago from TweetDeck

OMFG! The dimbo not only is missing a profile pic, but she has ZERO friends. Some nerve, calling other people trolls...about 1 hour ago from TweetDeck

Okay, so maybe a LITTLE public humiliation & abasement is in order.Confrontation always leaves me shaky, but that shit needed to be mocked.about 1 hour ago from TweetDeck

Thing is, she was so happy to jump on the troll wagon, and for no good reason. Further research turns out that she is an angry lesbian with some sort of major body and self esteem issues who refuses to even set foot in a room with a camera lest her ugliness be caught on film and recorded for all posterity. Her words, not mine. Well, her sentiment, anyway. Her words are much less well put together.

After a personal rock bottom moment at the turn of the century, I devoted my life to learning about and implementing good overall health: personal, relational, physical, emotional, mental, and yes - even sexual!

I've since lost over 100 pounds and completely reinvented my personality, lifestyle, and relationships.

It was my great privilege (and the highlight of my life) to attend and complete a one week Axis Aerial Dance Intensive with Mir and A Company, which is a minor miracle considering that I used to weigh 300 pounds!

I'm currently working towards a degree in Philosophy and Physical Education while I offer life, sexuality, and happiness advice over the phone. I also conduct SM & bondage sessions at Backdrop, which has been called the oldest bondage and fantasy club in America.

---

Talk to me today!

Happiness coaching: 1-888-464-3646 extension 03238446

Relationship talk: 1-888-464-3646 extension 03216564

Food perspectives: 1-888-464-3646 extension 02779493

Sex questions: 1-888-464-3646 extension 03216528

Adult entertainment:  1-800-863-5478 extension 02522703

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My phone rang several times during the lunch hour today, making me a very happy girl.nbsp; br />br />My pussy is so wet. I jerked off a lot today. I use my fingers when I'm on the phone because the vibrator is too loud. My right hand has little bits of cum stuck to the back of the knuckles on my two middle fingers. I just took my shirt off because it is so damn hot out here today. I pulled my thin hippie skirt up to my waist for ventilation. That way, when I leaned over to type something on my laptop, I was able to hear a distinctive squelching sound as my pussy lips popped open, parting wetly, a pert mouth agape, a happy little "oh".nbsp; pwop br /> br />I had my Mountain Dew bottle in my left hand, where I'd just retrieved it from under my skateboard/laptop desk. For a mad moment I wondered if I could get the whole thing inside my noisy cunt. Did I ever mention the time some Burning Man camp mates strapped me into a sex swing and teased me with an ice cold soda can? They ran it up and down my body, driving me wild until my hips and eyes were just begging for them to fuck me with it; and then they did! br />br />I got done by the Dew.br />br />a href="http://www.niteflirt.com/calls/initiatecallstarter.aspx?sid=7502457amp;pmode=0amp;ReturnUrl=%2FSunshine%2BLoveamp;CancelUrl=%2FSunshine%2BLoveamp;WebTrack=23amp;dpr=1">img width="128" height="32" border="0" src="http://i.niteflirt.com/D3_snglbuttoncallnow_V6.gif" alt="Call Now" />/a>br />br />And there ARE pictures of this sort of thing on the Google; I checked:br />br />a href="http://www.xxxtremeblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/coke_can_in_pussy_hole_18.thumbnail.jpg">http://www.xxxtremeblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/coke_can_in_pussy_hole_18.thumbnail.jpg/a>

h1 class="topic">Every which way went poly /h1>span class="topicdate nowrap">br />/span> div align="center"> /div>div class="blogPhoto" id="DIVf8529a75-72ea-47be-bf56-727b20d50d15">div align="center"> a href="http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/c5c/439/c5c43969-07d8-44bd-b4a7-bffaba4c755b" onclick="openWin('http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/c5c/439/c5c43969-07d8-44bd-b4a7-bffaba4c755b','popup',600,400,'simple'); return false;">img width="600" height="399" alt="" src="http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/c5c/439/c5c43969-07d8-44bd-b4a7-bffaba4c755b" id="IMGf8529a75-72ea-47be-bf56-727b20d50d15" title="open full size image in new window" />/a>/div> /div>br />Okay, having turn in the road conversations from completely different angles with completely different types of people completely unexpectedly is, well, completely unsettling. On the one hand is the guy I cyber stalk and mass mail multiple multi page unanswered emails to every single stinking day. I say the most outrageous stuff and it mostly just vaporizes into the ether. Poof. On the other hand is the guy who talks to me like a friend but casually tosses loaded words like procreation and commitment into the conversation like cute fluffy pink tribble bunnies instead of the heinous cluster bombs they really are. Serves me right. br /> br />[16:36] him: Seems we're having a S.O.R.T. br />[16:36] me: SORT? br />[16:36] him: State Of br />[16:36] him: the br />[16:36] him: Relationship Talk br />[16:37] me: is that bad? br />[16:37] him: some people fear them. br />[16:37] me: seems like I can talk about anything with you without being weird one way or the other br />[16:37] me: okay, now i really gotta pee. brb br />(which was, incidentally, the first time I'd managed to spontaneously jump right up and leave the computer ALL DAY, but I'm sure there's no connection) br />[16:38] him: I think they make for healthy course corrections in expectations. br />[16:40] me: phrases like that make me nervous br /> br />Then we edged safely and smoothly into the ins and outs of safe sex, which ended us up here: br /> br />[16:45] me: oral is highly charged, and thus, highly significant for me. But you already knew that. br />[16:45] him: some day, I'll face fuck you, and we'll both think it's way hot. yes. br />[16:45] me: fuck yeah br />[16:45] him: Some day. br />[16:45] me: tease br />[16:45] him: Indeed. br />[16:45] me: but yeah, some day is good... br /> br />Back to all those dangerous topics: br /> br />[16:58] me: I am INTERESTED in two men; you and him br />[16:58] me: really. that's it. br />[16:58] him: Heard. br />[16:59] me: what I DO, on the other hand.... br />[16:59] him: Ok, I would like a commitment. br />[16:59] him: Maybe not a commitment, maybe just to express a preference. br />[17:00] me: gotta say, those words are a surprisingly welcome change from most men's... br />[17:00] him: when and if that "two" changes, I'd like to hear about it from you, soon after you realize that it has changed. br /> br />A brief interlude where I suddenly remember that things are changing all the freakin' time (Doh!), and then back to poly: br /> br />[17:04] me: I guess this is my first go round with poly? br />[17:04] him: I dunno. consciously, it might be. br />[17:04] me: I've floated into other people's relationships a bit br />[17:05] him: Mostly it's all about negotiation. br />[17:05] me: figures br />[17:06] me: the implications of this are just starting to hit me. br />[17:06] him: such as? br />[17:07] me: in the process of dating extremely commitment phobic men, I've picked up a bitof that myself. now you're talking like this is double the commitment and it's freaking out my primate brain. br />[17:07] him: It's not about restriction. it's more about turn signals. br />[17:23] him: You can still do pretty much anything you want. But it helps if the people around you have a clue what that will be and what is happening. Give them a chance to adjust. br />[17:24] me: I kind of try to run my life that way; well, I'm getting better at signaling anyway. I guess that before, I kind of just cut lanes. br /> br />And what direction are all these relationships going? Every which fucking way I can think of and a few I can't.

div class="title"> h1 class="topic">kicked off collarme? /h1>/div> Are you fucking kidding me? How the fuck did I get kicked off collar me? I haven't changed anything in AGES!!! br /> b>br />"The profile posted to this account has been removed profile/journal editing functions have been disabled for 24 hours. This action has been taken by our automated reporting system due to numerous reports regarding your profile." /b>br /> br />Un-fucking-believable. br /> br />I hate censorship.br />br />However, I suppose it's not really too surprising. nbsp; I'm hardly innocent.nbsp; I have a blatant disregard for TOS and censorship in general.nbsp; I'm sure I had all kinds of violations snuck in there.nbsp; I rather prided myself on it.nbsp; Witness Exhibit A:b style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">font size="4">br />/font>/b>p>b style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">font size="4">/font>/b>/p>div class="ljcut">p>font size="4">b style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">font size="4">Sneaking Past the Censors/font>/b>span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">/span>/font>/p>p style="font-family: courier new,monospace; text-align: left;">font size="4">font size="2">span style="font-size: 10pt;">For months, the lovely /span>/font>Demon Kiafont size="2">span style="font-size: 10pt;"> and I entertained ourselves trying to sneak kinky text ads past the censors/flaggers over on Craig's List, with varying degrees of success.After that got boring, we started taking pictures, and then we found collarme.com.../span>/font>/font>/p>p style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" class="MsoNormal">font size="4">font size="2">span style="font-size: 10pt;">Our new game is to see what pics we can sneak past the censors over there on collarme. We are always ultimately surprised by some of the ones that get rejected. I just don't understand how a site dedicated to kink can refuse to show pictures of light bondage:/span>/font>span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>/font>/p>p style="text-align: center; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">font size="4">*/font>/span>/p>span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>p style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" class="MsoNormal">font size="4">font size="2">span style="font-size: 10pt;">/span>/font>/font>/p>p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">font size="4">font size="4">span style="font-size: 10pt;">/span>/font>/font>/p>p style="font-family: georgia;" class="MsoNormal">font size="4">font size="4">span style="font-size: 10pt;">/span>/font>/font>/p>p style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" class="MsoNormal">font size="4">font size="2">span style="font-size: 10pt;">/span>/font>/font>/p>p style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" class="MsoNormal">font size="4">font size="2">span style="font-size: 10pt;">/span>/font>/font>/p>p style="text-align: center; clear: both;" class="separator">font size="4">a style="border: 0pt none ; background-color: transparent; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" href="http://fetishgrrls.googlepages.com/smilingfootbond.jpg/smilingfootbond-full.jpg" imageanchor="1">img alt="" src="http://fetishgrrls.googlepages.com/smilingfootbond.jpg/smilingfootbond-large.jpg" style="border: 0pt none ;" />/a>/font>/p>p style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" class="MsoNormal">font size="4">font size="2">span style="font-size: 10pt;">/span>/font>/font>/p>p style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" class="MsoNormal">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>/p>p style="text-align: center; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">font size="4">*/font>/span>/p>span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family:Verdana;">/span>p style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" class="MsoNormal">font size="4">font size="2">span style="font-size: 10pt;">font size="2">"Reason: Due to recent changes in U.S. law regarding adult content, many photographs containing persons in bondage cannot be approved at this time."/font>/span>/font>span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>/font>/p>p style="text-align: center; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">font size="4">*/font>/span>/p>span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>p style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" class="MsoNormal">font size="4">font size="2">span style="font-size: 10pt;">/span>/font>/font>/p>p style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" class="MsoNormal">font size="4">font size="2">span style="font-size: 10pt;">/span>/font>/font>/p>p style="text-align: center; clear: both;" class="separator">font size="4">a style="border: 0pt none ; background-color: transparent; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" href="http://fetishgrrls.googlepages.com/DSCF0016.jpg/DSCF0016-full.jpg" imageanchor="1">img alt="" src="http://fetishgrrls.googlepages.com/DSCF0016.jpg/DSCF0016-custom;size:388,363.jpg" style="border: 0pt none ;" />/a>/font>/p>p style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" class="MsoNormal">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>/p>p style="text-align: center; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">font size="4">*/font>/span>/p>span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>p style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" class="MsoNormal">font size="4">font size="2">span style="font-size: 10pt;">I got shut down on every single on of my caution tape bondage photos, but the censors let through a surprising number of the ones where I'm tied to a wooden chair with a belt around my neck and red marks everywhere...this picture also actually violates the next two rules.../span>/font>span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>/font>/p>p style="text-align: center; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">font size="4">*/font>/span>/p>span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>p style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" class="MsoNormal">font size="4">font size="2">span style="font-size: 10pt;">/span>/font>/font>/p>p style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" class="MsoNormal">font size="4">font size="2">span style="font-size: 10pt;">/span>/font>/font>/p>p style="text-align: center; clear: both;" class="separator">font size="4">a style="border: 0pt none ; background-color: transparent; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" href="http://fetishgrrls.googlepages.com/DSCF0006a.jpg/DSCF0006a-full.jpg" imageanchor="1">img alt="" src="http://fetishgrrls.googlepages.com/DSCF0006a.jpg/DSCF0006a-large.jpg" style="border: 0pt none ;" />/a>/font>/p>p style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" class="MsoNormal">font size="4">font size="2">span style="font-size: 10pt;">/span>/font>/font>/p>p>font size="4">font size="2">span style="font-size: 10pt;">/span>/font>span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>/font>/p>p style="text-align: center; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">font size="4">*/font>/span>/p>span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>p>font size="4">font size="4">span style="font-size: 10pt;">I am somewhat reluctant to post beaver shots online, so I was surprised to get the following rejection:/span>/font>/font>/p>p>font size="4">font size="4">b>span style="font-size: 10pt;">"Reason: Due to recent changes in U.S. law regarding adult content, photographs containing explicit genital nudity cannot be approved at this time./span>/b>/font>span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>/font>/p>p style="text-align: center; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">font size="4">*/font>/span>/p>span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>p style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" class="MsoNormal">font size="4">font size="2">span style="font-size: 10pt;">/span>/font>/font>/p>p style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" class="MsoNormal">font size="4">font size="2">span style="font-size: 10pt;">/span>/font>/font>/p>p style="text-align: center; clear: both;" class="separator">font size="4">a style="border: 0pt none ; background-color: transparent; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" href="http://fetishgrrls.googlepages.com/me_porn13.jpg/me_porn13-full.jpg" imageanchor="1">img alt="" src="http://fetishgrrls.googlepages.com/me_porn13.jpg/me_porn13-large.jpg" style="border: 0pt none ;" />/a>/font>/p>p style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" class="MsoNormal">font size="4">font size="2">span style="font-size: 10pt;">/span>/font>/font>/p>p style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" class="MsoNormal">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>/p>p style="text-align: center; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">font size="4">*/font>/span>/p>span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>p style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" class="MsoNormal">font size="4">font size="2">span style="font-size: 10pt;">font size="2" style="font-family: courier new,monospace;">"These shots were me doing more back bends in the bathing suit. Apparently, being able to tell that I am shaved and female around the pink bathing suit was just too explicit for the tender sensibilities of the cm censors. The one I see most, however is the following:/font>/span>/font>/font>/p>p style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" class="MsoNormal">font size="4">font size="2">span style="font-size: 10pt;">br />font size="4">"Reason: This photo does not fall within our community standards./font>/span>/font>/font>/p>p style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" class="MsoNormal">font size="4">font size="2">span style="font-size: 10pt;">/span>/font>/font>/p>p style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" class="MsoNormal">font size="4">font size="1">span style="font-size: 10pt;">span style="font-family: courier new,monospace;">font size="2" style="font-family: courier new,monospace;">"Let's see, pix that got turned down by cm for violating community standards would include: /font>/span>br style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" />/span>/font>/font>/p>div style="text-align: center;">font size="4">font size="1">span style="font-size: 10pt;">span style="font-family: courier new,monospace;">/span>/span>/font>br style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" />font size="1">span style="font-size: 10pt;">/span>/font>/font>/div>div align="center">font size="4">b style="color: rgb(51, 51, 0);">font size="1" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">span style="font-size: 10pt;">font size="2">span style="font-family: courier new,monospace;">span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 0);"> my accupuncture pix/span>/span>/font>/span>/font>span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>/b>/font>p style="text-align: center; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal">font size="4">b>span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">*/span>/b>/font>/p>span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>/div>p align="center" style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" class="MsoNormal">font size="4">font size="1">span style="font-size: 10pt;">span style="font-family: courier new,monospace;">/span>/span>/font>/font>/p>p style="text-align: center; clear: both;" class="separator">font size="4">a style="border: 0pt none ; background-color: transparent; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" href="http://fetishgrrls.googlepages.com/l_122650a13dd22d547a4f61eb65d5197b.jpg/l_122650a13dd22d547a4f61eb65d5197b-full.jpg" imageanchor="1">img alt="" src="http://fetishgrrls.googlepages.com/l_122650a13dd22d547a4f61eb65d5197b.jpg/l_122650a13dd22d547a4f61eb65d5197b-custom;size:392,182.jpg" style="border: 0pt none ;" />/a>/font>/p>p align="center" style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" class="MsoNormal">font size="4">font size="1">span style="font-size: 10pt;">span style="font-family: courier new,monospace;">/span>/span>/font>/font>/p>p style="text-align: center; clear: both;" class="separator">font size="4">a style="border: 0pt none ; background-color: transparent; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" href="http://fetishgrrls.googlepages.com/l_ded4c1840635accdace303839098d93f.jpg/l_ded4c1840635accdace303839098d93f-full.jpg" imageanchor="1">img alt="" src="http://fetishgrrls.googlepages.com/l_ded4c1840635accdace303839098d93f.jpg/l_ded4c1840635accdace303839098d93f-medium.jpg" style="border: 0pt none ;" />span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>/a>/font>/p>p style="text-align: center; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal">font size="4">b>span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">*/span>/b>/font>/p>font size="4">b style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>/b>/font>p align="center" style="font-family: courier new,monospace; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal">font size="4">b>font size="1">span style="font-size: 10pt;">span style="font-family: courier new,monospace;">/span>/span>/font>/b>/font>/p>p align="center" style="font-family: courier new,monospace; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal">font size="4">b>font size="1">span style="font-size: 10pt;">span style="font-family: courier new,monospace;">/span>br style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" />font size="2" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 0);">span style="font-family: courier new,monospace;"> tied to a chair/span>/font>/span>/font>span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>/b>/font>/p>p style="text-align: center; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal">font size="4">b>span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">*/span>/b>/font>/p>span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>p style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" class="MsoNormal">font size="4">font size="1">span style="font-size: 10pt;">span style="font-family: courier new,monospace;">/span>/span>/font>/font>/p>p style="text-align: center; clear: both;" class="separator">font size="4">a style="border: 0pt none ; background-color: transparent; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" href="http://fetishgrrls.googlepages.com/DSCF0006a.jpg/DSCF0006a-full.jpg" imageanchor="1">img alt="" src="http://fetishgrrls.googlepages.com/DSCF0006a.jpg/DSCF0006a-large.jpg" style="border: 0pt none ;" />/a>/font>/p>p style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" class="MsoNormal">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>/p>p style="text-align: center; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">font size="4">*/font>/span>/p>span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>div style="text-align: center;">font size="4">font size="1">span style="font-size: 10pt;">b>font size="2">span style="font-family: courier new,monospace;"> my spanked ass/span>/font>/b>/span>/font>/font>/div>div style="text-align: center;">font size="4">font size="1">span style="font-size: 10pt;">b>font size="2">span style="font-family: courier new,monospace;">/span>/font>/b>/span>/font>span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>/font>p style="text-align: center; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">font size="4">*/font>/span>/p>span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>/div>p style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" class="MsoNormal">font size="4">font size="1">span style="font-size: 10pt;">span style="font-family: courier new,monospace;">/span>/span>/font>/font>/p>p style="text-align: center; clear: both;" class="separator">font size="4">a style="border: 0pt none ; background-color: transparent; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" href="http://fetishgrrls.googlepages.com/myredass1.JPG/myredass1-full.jpg" imageanchor="1">img alt="" src="http://fetishgrrls.googlepages.com/myredass1.JPG/myredass1-large.jpg" style="border: 0pt none ;" />/a>/font>/p>p style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" class="MsoNormal">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>/p>p style="text-align: center; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">font size="4">*/font>/span>/p>span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>div style="text-align: center;">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>p style="text-align: center;" class="MsoNormal">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>font size="4">font size="1" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 0);">span style="font-size: 10pt;">font size="2">b>span style="font-family: courier new,monospace;"> fully clothed yoga pictures/span>/b>/font>/span>/font>span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>/font>/p>p style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" class="MsoNormal">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">font size="4">*/font>/span>font size="4">br />font size="1">span style="font-size: 10pt;">/span>/font>/font>/p>/div>p style="font-family: courier new,monospace;" class="MsoNormal">font size="4">font size="1">span style="font-size: 10pt;">/span>/font>/font>/p>p class="MsoNormal">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: quot;Lucida Sans Unicodequot;;">/span>/p>p class="MsoNormal">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: quot;Lucida Sans Unicodequot;;">/span>span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>/p>div align="center">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>font size="4">a style="border: 0pt none ; background-color: transparent; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" href="http://fetishgrrls.googlepages.com/backbend.jpg/backbend-full.jpg" imageanchor="1">img alt="" src="http://fetishgrrls.googlepages.com/backbend.jpg/backbend-custom;size:383,274.jpg" style="border: 0pt none ;" />/a>/font>/div>p style="text-align: center;" class="MsoNormal">font size="4">font size="2">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: quot;Lucida Sans Unicodequot;;">font style="font-family: courier new,monospace;">b style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">*/b>/font>/span>/font>/font>/p>p class="MsoNormal">font size="4">font size="2">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: quot;Lucida Sans Unicodequot;;">font style="font-family: courier new,monospace;">Most recently, I had a pic shot down that had NO nudity, NO bondage, NO nuthin..../font>/span>/font>/font>/p>p class="MsoNormal">font size="4">font size="2">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: quot;Lucida Sans Unicodequot;;">font style="font-family: courier new,monospace;">all it was was a head and bust shot with me wearing a blindfold./font>/span>/font>span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>/font>/p>p style="text-align: center; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">font size="4">*/font>/span>/p>span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>p class="MsoNormal">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: quot;Lucida Sans Unicodequot;;">/span>/p>p class="MsoNormal">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: quot;Lucida Sans Unicodequot;;">/span>/p>p style="text-align: center; clear: both;" class="separator">font size="4">a style="border: 0pt none ; background-color: transparent; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" href="http://fetishgrrls.googlepages.com/blindfold8a.jpg/blindfold8a-full.jpg" imageanchor="1">img alt="" src="http://fetishgrrls.googlepages.com/blindfold8a.jpg/blindfold8a-large.jpg" style="border: 0pt none ;" />/a>/font>/p>p class="MsoNormal">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: quot;Lucida Sans Unicodequot;;">/span>/p>p class="MsoNormal">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>/p>p style="text-align: center; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);" class="MsoNormal">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">font size="4">*/font>/span>/p>span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;">/span>p class="MsoNormal">font size="4">font size="2">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: quot;Lucida Sans Unicodequot;;">font style="font-family: courier new,monospace;">Apparently it was just a little too hot for the cm censors. Which, actually, I should thank them for. Their censorship made me go back and look at that entire photo series with a new eye and post them to a href="http://fetishgrrls.googlepages.com/">my adult website/a>./font>/span>/font>/font>/p>/div>p class="MsoNormal">font size="4">font size="2">span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: quot;Lucida Sans Unicodequot;;">font style="font-family: courier new,monospace;">/font>/span>font style="font-family: courier new,monospace;">/font>/font>/font>/p>

div class="title"> h1 class="topic">a whole new way of thinking /h1>span class="topicdate nowrap">img width="500" height="667" alt="" src="http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/7cc/9b0/7cc9b0b8-67e6-4e2c-a7d6-5025f787f672" />br />/span> /div> div class="blogPhoto" id="DIV48341376-65ff-4fe4-93b3-c82df43dd974"> a href="http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/dfa/df3/dfadf39b-61b3-4f5a-8158-f4016de38881" onclick="openWin('http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/dfa/df3/dfadf39b-61b3-4f5a-8158-f4016de38881','popup',600,400,'simple'); return false;">br />/a> /div> Just got home from Midori's Rope Dojo. Tied myself up all the way back. Got here and it's fucking cold; we're talking frost on the lawn cold. I've draped blankets on top of my gym to confine the heat from the space heaters to one section of the garage. Now I find myself eying my bookcase and other potential draping surfaces that were previously lacking attachment points. I can't help but giggle realizing that I could tie my whole damn room up right now if I wanted to. She's gonna come out in the morning and it's gonna look like Spiderman had a seizure; then built a fort.

div class="title">div align="center"> /div>h1 align="center" class="topic">Inconceivable /h1>span class="topicdate nowrap">/span> /div> div class="blogPhoto" id="DIV38d1e2ba-917e-4823-b2f3-f43807021ec2">div align="center"> a href="http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/0ef/afd/0efafd25-9784-43e0-9b68-6f3a17159651" onclick="openWin('http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/0ef/afd/0efafd25-9784-43e0-9b68-6f3a17159651','popup',600,400,'simple'); return false;">img width="480" src="http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/0ef/afd/0efafd25-9784-43e0-9b68-6f3a17159651" id="IMG38d1e2ba-917e-4823-b2f3-f43807021ec2" title="open full size image in new window" alt="" />/a>/div> /div>br />div align="center">For a potential paid modeling gig, I was specifically asked to submit photos without any bondage. br />br />No problem, right? How hard could that be? I've got almost 8000 photos on my hard drive. Surely I can find a simple nude. br /> br />Un-fucking-believable. Nope. Nadda. Nary a one. This is as close as it gets. /div>

Ran into the only honest to god, no strings attached, reliable fuck buddy I've ever had today.

 

He and I were responsible for some of the best sex in history, like one time we went across the bed, from the head to the foot, down off the end,onto the floor, and up against the dresser without missing a beat.

He was the first one to figure out that I liked to be dominated, with my hair in his fist and his tongue jammed down my throat making out under a bridge somewhere.

No matter how many years it's been or whether I'm fat, thin, single or spoken for; we always pick up on the spot like we're going to tear each other's clothes off. The only lay I've ever regretted is the one time I didn't sleep with him when I had the chance, because I felt like being faithful to my loser boyfriend at the time.

It was weird running in to him today at the bus stop. He got my attention. Raised his sun glasses. Stopped, did a double take. No mistaking those freckles. We could be brother and sister except for his brown eyes. Big, awkward hug. A ducked kiss. Stepping back. Assessing. Chit chat.

How long has it been? You were with those street kids downtown, on the blanket. And you were a drunken ass and we chased you off, I wanted to say, but I didn't.

Instead he asked what I was doing. Told him I was going to Chico State - and that was the last thing I said which made any sense at all to him, I think. He made the mistake of asking me what I was taking, and I told him, in progressively simpler and more general terms until I finally gave up in embarrassment.

I then jumped to the cliff notes version of the rest of my life. I could tell by the vague look on his face that we were in completely different worlds. He tried to kiss me again, something that made sense. Coy avoidance. Queried him. His updates involved the words "rehab" and "parole". Some people never change, but others do.

He asked for my number. I stammered and shuffled and wavered for a bit, sort of said sure, I'd give it to him, but never did, then said, real slow and deliberate like: "Hey, ya know, that's my bus, and I think I'm gonna get on it." And I did.

div align="left" class="title">font size="1" color="#000080">I'm gonna burn in hell for this one. I only finally got brave enough to go back and finish writing this after seeing the word "retard" in no less than three (3) other blogs and threads tonight. That said, I doubt anybody reading this is delusional enough to believe that I was in any way politically correct in the first place. /font>br />br />span class="topicdate nowrap"> /span>/div> div class="blogPhoto" id="DIV23a2332a-4bfb-4642-81c4-851dd16e5245">div align="center"> a href="http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/a67/a20/a67a2012-4e15-4eb2-a5d5-8a9cfc6e9748" onclick="openWin('http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/a67/a20/a67a2012-4e15-4eb2-a5d5-8a9cfc6e9748','popup',600,400,'simple'); return false;">img width="300" height="394" alt="" src="http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/a67/a20/a67a2012-4e15-4eb2-a5d5-8a9cfc6e9748" id="IMG23a2332a-4bfb-4642-81c4-851dd16e5245" title="open full size image in new window" />/a>/div> /div>br />br />br />Oh my god, I'm a fucking retard. Literally. By some random chance of fate, today I ended up riding the short bus both to and from class. And I fit right in. Eerily. Singing and talking and twitching all the way. Oh my. First, we picked up a whole bus load of the neurally challenged at our dinky public library. Why do retards go to the library, anyway? Then, my professor didn't show up for class so I rode an earlier bus back home than usual, which loaded up apparently right at the same time as shift end at the Work Training Center. Again, training for what? But anyhow, I was struck by how not different some of them were from me. br /> br />Perhaps this is just an extreme example of my maybe excessive ability to project myself upon people. Let's hope so. br /> br />I let myself relax and observe, which was fairly easy to do while sleep deprived and slightly stoned. I used to be a fairly avid people watcher, or listener, I guess. I don't really watch much of anything. I guess I gave up studying people when the puzzles never fit together, you know? Like, I kept expecting to see the patterns, to figure it out, to understand why when A says that, then B does this. It became more of an abstract curiosity than a solvable problem after awhile and I lost interest. br /> br />I have an entire circle of friends who work for ARC, the group formerly known as The Association for Retarded Citizens. My room mate could have gotten me a job there at any time, and often encouraged me to apply. But I wouldn't do it. I preferred my crazy senile old people to her crazy chuds any day. Even worse, the last time I talked to her, I mentioned Aspberger's. She looks at me oddly and tells me she's got aspie kids in her program. br /> br />Part of my reluctance is the history I have with the developmentally disabled, as I guess they're calling them now. One of my quirks is that I don't like to drive. Okay, that's putting it a little mildly. I have panic attacks, so I take the bus. I don't know how many of my readers have had the pleasure of taking a city bus regularly. Let's just say that you meet all types. Perhaps meet is the wrong word. Let's say that one is exposed to all sorts. br /> br />Furthermore, when one gets off of said bus and begins to walk home, let's say that one can't quite shake the creepy tard boy who mistook my friendly smile for some sort of invitation to follow me home. Every day. Until I started taking different buses. Worse, I couldn't help but think of that awful story I read in high school, about how the big giant got all confused and upset and accidentally killed the nice lady. It was probably ignorant of me, but he made me really nervous. br /> br />Of course, I probably deserved every bit of bad bus karma I got, because of this little game I used to play. I figured out early on that if I let my face relax into a vacant stare, let my jaw drop slack, and maybe even drooled a little, that no one would want to sit next to me on a crowded bus. Granted, I figured this out by accident the first time by virtue of a brand new tongue piercing, but I unashamedly took advantage of the discovery repeatedly in years to come. I realized in class today that the reason I was claustrophobic last semester was not because the class was small but because there were so many people in it. I could barely breathe. It felt like we were sitting on each other's laps. I don't mind small spaces, as long as there aren't other people in them. Then it becomes intolerable. As Sartre would say, Hell is other people. br /> br />Compound that uneasy discomfort and fear of the tard by moving to Boulder and getting the rent deal of the century by being willing to live in a complex that was halfway populated by semi independent disabled adults. No problem, right? Except that I ended up next door to Toby*, an angrily demonstrative young man who had serious impulse control issues. He used to stand outside my window shouting and waving his arms angrily. Once while looking through his window at his WWF muscle posters, I had an evil impulse to slip him some gay porn to see what he would do. I wondered if it would fuck with his head at all and kind of hoped it would. br /> br />As if in payback for such sadistic thoughts, I was yet to experience the true horrors of Tardville. One fine spring day, I was walking back from the laundry room at the end of the complex. Coming towards me was another resident, six feet plus of awkward shambling female tard, clutching a large stuffed Minnie Mouse doll to her breast, shrieking incoherently and masturbating frantically as she lurched directly at me! I will never be able to unburn that particular image from my brain. br /> br />And then there's the other end of the spectrum. My parents, while worthless religious hippie slackers, were still elitist enough to have instilled an innate intellectual snobbery in me. I was their grand science experiment. I was supposed to be the perfect child. They were gonna show everybody. I sure showed them, or tried to, out of spite. I wonder how much of me fucking up my life has been to spite them and how much has been me doing what I do best. br /> br />Growing up, and especially as a teen, I determined that when I had kids, I was gonna do it better. I would show them. I would have the perfect child, without making their mistakes. I used to think about it, but much like my deepest personal horror of being eternally internalized, I could never get past the horror of having the less than perfect child. Murphy is much too strong a deistic presence in my life to ever discount the tremendous power of irony as a force in the universe. My greatest fear was of breeding a flipper baby, a moron, a non-human. Hell, I'm not sure I could even deal with a "normal" child. My parental expectations are still so strong in me, it's almost Hitlerian in nature. br /> br />Retard. Autistic. Why do these words have the exact same connotation for me? That of the deformed, the defective, hideous mistakes of nature to be locked away in attics and basements, tossed scraps and never talked of. But what the hell separates one from the other? What the hell is normal, anyway? What is human? br /> br />*names changed to protect the retarded

I keep "accidentally" finding them online.nbsp;nbsp; I never heard of Asperger's until just a few months ago.nbsp; Now I'm hooked.nbsp; I love communicating with other Aspies because they're just so darn informative, among other things.nbsp; However, stumbling across the kinky ones individually in cross postings has been somewhat less than efficient.nbsp; As I am wont to say,i> /i>i>there has to be a better way..../i>b>br />br />/b>My better way?nbsp; Couldn't find a community, so I started one:br />br />a href="http://people.tribe.net/f513482e-c52e-48e8-878f-4ce5fb31dd47/photos/8fb18a80-e71d-404b-bc8c-7e6ac9586fcb" onclick="setAlbumState('newest', '0', '0', 'N');" title="a sudden interest in macrame">/a>a href="http://community.livejournal.com/kinky_aspies/profile">http://community.livejournal.com/kinky_aspies/profile/a>br />br />Now I'm not gonna say this is my personal dating pool or anything, but I certainly wouldn't be heartbroken to see the group grow!br />div align="right">a href="http://people.tribe.net/f513482e-c52e-48e8-878f-4ce5fb31dd47/photos/8fb18a80-e71d-404b-bc8c-7e6ac9586fcb" onclick="setAlbumState('newest', '0', '0', 'N');" title="a sudden interest in macrame">br />/a>img width="114" height="180" class="picMedium" src="http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/8fb/18a/8fb18a80-e71d-404b-bc8c-7e6ac9586fcb.medium" alt="" /> /div>

div class="title"> h1 class="topic">Why guys can't get laid (Part I)/h1>div class="blogPhoto" id="DIV4dca5cd7-eb16-4e05-84f6-792f9f0afd34"> div align="right"> /div> /div> div class="blogPhoto" id="DIV4dca5cd7-eb16-4e05-84f6-792f9f0afd34"> div align="right"> /div> /div>h1 class="topic">personal ad responses /h1>span class="topicdate nowrap">Mon, October 22, 2007 - 1:41 PM/span>br />div class="blogPhoto" id="DIV4dca5cd7-eb16-4e05-84f6-792f9f0afd34"> div align="right"> /div> /div> span class="topicdate nowrap">br />br />/span> /div> div class="blogPhoto" id="DIV4dca5cd7-eb16-4e05-84f6-792f9f0afd34">div align="right"> /div> /div> a href="http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/73b/03b/73b03b84-7265-4d9d-a64f-b04a87b73d8f" onclick="openWin('http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/73b/03b/73b03b84-7265-4d9d-a64f-b04a87b73d8f','popup',600,400,'simple'); return false;">img width="200" height="305" alt="" src="http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/73b/03b/73b03b84-7265-4d9d-a64f-b04a87b73d8f" id="IMG4dca5cd7-eb16-4e05-84f6-792f9f0afd34" title="open full size image in new window" />/a>br />br />br />Most of these are responses to a personal ad I posted late one night last spring with the heading "Ydiv class="blogPhoto" id="DIV4dca5cd7-eb16-4e05-84f6-792f9f0afd34"> div align="right"> /div> /div> ou're gonna do WHAT to me?!?", a picture of me bent over a stool, and the text "I've been a very good girl." I was soliciting creative fantasies but I was sorely disappointed. br />br />div class="blogPhoto" id="DIV4dca5cd7-eb16-4e05-84f6-792f9f0afd34">div align="left"> /div> /div>The subject line, if any, is the first line, followed by the message body and any response or reaction of mine: br /> br />You?re gonna do WHAT to me?? - 32call591XXXX dave br />(NO SUBJECT OR ANYTHING, JUST A PHONE # AND NAME IN THE SUBJECT LINE!!!) br /> br />your nice ass br />hey there girl, add me to msn presumptuousass@hotmail.com whatever...just hit me back and we can chat br /> br />You're gonna do WHAT to me?? - 32 br />You into 23 year olds who are 5'9 w/ an athletic build and willing to do what ever it is you want? br /> br />You?re gonna do WHAT to me?? - 32 br />Have you truly been good ? Cause bad is so much more interesting darlin ......mmmmmmm till later ? br /> xoxox D br /> br />You're gonna do WHAT to me?? - 32 br />well first im gonna you no.and than im gonna ya know. and than your gonna smile and say more and im gonna ya know... wanna hear more lets chat.. br /> br />(no subject) br />hi br /> br />good girl huh? br />Well, if you've really been a good girl then I guess you deserve to have that beautiful ass kissed, not spanked. Write me back if you're interested. br /> br />Good girl? br />Call me when you're being bad... maybe i can spank that hot ass of yours. br /> br />You're gonna do WHAT to me?? - 32 br />I want to chew on your soft Pussy......... br />I really really want to bite you.... Maybe even make you bleed... br /> br />Okay, my hands are tied behind my back... br />On your knees br /> br />Re: Re: You're gonna do WHAT to me br />HOT HOT HOT....... Would love to massage you!!! br />Very, very, very nice, would like to see more. br /> br />hmmmmmm!!! br />sometimes good girls need to be spanked so they have a little bad in their day. smack smack, now stand in the corner until I tell you what I want you to do next. br />Nice pic. br /> br />You're gonna do WHAT to me?? - 32 br />And a very good girl deserves a very good ? br /> br />You're gonna do WHAT to me?? - 32 br />What won't you let me do? I would sure as hell bend you over that chair in 48 different ways. br /> br />You're gonna do WHAT to me?? - 32 br />Hi sexy brat. What mischief are you up to? br />You have a sexy body. What is your instant messenger (AOL, Yahoo, MSN, etc) and I'll tell you how I can do kinky things to you? br /> br />really.... br />i can be a dynamic and talented person. you certainly look like you deserve it... br /> br />You're gonna do WHAT to me?? - 32 br />Now that has my interest. br />Tell me more br />that would be having you after a great dinner, you would be desert. perhaps not having you so up right on that stool your next too.. br />how was that for starters?? br />and no reply?? br />I thought you also looked like you need to be taken care of by a gentleman.. dinners, money, etc br />Actually, I was hoping to hear your kinky fantasy... br />Perhaps. Do you have a picture? br />yes, but yours first br />fuck off. you responded to my picture, dipshit. br />lol..lol.. cunt, I responded to a photo of someone near a stool you can't view.. br /> br />You're gonna do WHAT to me?? - 32 br />Good girl? br />Call me when you're being bad... maybe i can spank that hot ass of yours. br />Good girls need spankings, too. br />mmmmmm br />are you a good girl that needs a spanking? br />that's right br />where u at today? br />where did u go? br />:-( br />Yay spankings!!! br />How old are you, Josh? Do you have a picture? Are you Dom? br />I'm 27 br />I've never done this sub/dom thing but it sounds like fun. I'm naturally assertive in the sack... if that helps. And yes, pic attached. (6'3" dark brown hair blue eyes) br />how am i ever going to get in to that if i can't find anyone to do it with? br />If you are really interested, there are ways to find out more. I suggest you do a LOT of reading before trying to get into it. I'm personally not interested in training someone right now because I already have some one of experience. br />You are really cute, btw. br />thanks br /> br />(no subject) br />i want to do all types of things to you.....wanna play? br />Like what, specifically? br />well i would love to strip you naked, and bury my head between your legs and suck on your clit while playing with your pussy.....then slowly roll you over and fuck you from behind while I rub your clit.....the list goes on and on br />(....but it DIDN'T, did it?) br /> br />You're gonna do WHAT to me?? br />hi my name is X im 29 yrs old im from anderson calif im 5'9 170 lbs im bald with blue eyes im single and looking i have a full-time job i like to listen to music i like to hang out withfriends i like to watch movies i like to go to the movies i like to watch sports i like to play sports i like to go to the clubs i like to have a good time night out i like to have fun my favortive color is blue i like to drive around town with my best friends br />(I love the fact that he told me his favorite color is blue...) br /> br />---------------------------------- br />Forwarded Conversation br />Subject: You Need a Mature Man br /> br /> Ok, br />Your intelligent, articulate, and very....very sexy. But I think you need a mature man like me, 44, tall, physically fit and strong enough to place you over my knee so that I can spank that gorgeous soft ass of yours. br /> I'm a well respected professional man here in Chico that is looking for, well, a girl like you. Someone that needs a strong, firm man like me to teach her the art of being a submissive pleasing woman.....all within bounds that you are comfortable with. I like to play naughty and take things to br />the limit, but I'm also very respectful of women, especially those whom know br />what they want. br /> I'm tall, strong, powerful, handsome, very fit, and very sexual........I like to make the experience last a long, long time for both of us.....I love orgasmic anticipation. Sometimes you get a hunch for people, I think you and I might? Does this inspire you? br /> br />You got all that from six lines in the heading and six in the body? Wow. You, Sir, are truly a master at reading between the lines. I am impressed. I almost suspect that we have talked before, but perhaps under a different email? Please send a picture to either confirm or deny my suspicions. Thank you. br /> br /> Sunshinegypsylove: br /> I love the name.....it fits my mental picture of you completely. br />No, we have never met, call it intuitation..... I am just very intuitive. br />You want a picture, I'll send you one, but I want to tell you something first. I'm married... not a normal marriage, my wife doesnot care what I do as long as I'm discreet. I'm not only a tall, handsome, strong man, I'm a pretty fucking honest one. br /> So, with that said, is that something you have a problem with.....or is it something that makes the whole consept me, hopefully....eventually... giving you a nice spanking more arousing? br /> Oh, and I liked that you calle dme Sir..... br /> br /> br />Oh, and then there is the News amp; Review Spicy personals ad that I put up and completely forgot about until I get something like the following out of the blue. I've probably made them over $1500 in revenue from my ad. More clueless responses, but remember that THESE guys actually paid money to send these mangled missives: br /> br /> br />YOUR MASTER DADDY,THE HORNET br /> br />HI I AM THE HORNET, br />i have over 25 years experience in all froms of sm/bd.i am a fromer menber of janice and the dungeon,i am firm and vocal,you want the BEST DADDY,YOU GOT THE BEST,I LOVE giveing spanking,once you been spanking you will never for get,thats why they call me the hornet for my FAMOUS STING,i am know has the hornet though the u.s.a.and canada.when you dont follow my instructions,then you will feel the hornet sting on your bottom.but when you are good, then go shoping movies,etc.i would want to finger fuck you.and then you finger fuck yourself.i am not into massive pain at all.i am 44 and 64 and half i have a shaved head,blue eyes, a gotee and a 19 inch neck and a 57 inch chest and a hairy chest, and i have 7 and half inch tongue. i want you to be by babygirl.i want you to email me some pic of you and your feet. understand!here is my email add. br />you email me i will email you with some pic of hornet,your new daddy.i am for real.i expect you to be.thank you for read the email,dont let me down!have a good evening the hornet, br /> br /> MMMM MMMMM MMMMMMMM br />I AM THE MAN YOU NEED TO MAKE YOU SCREAM. I AM GREAT AT EATING PUSSY, AND I LOVE TO FUCK HARD AND FAST. MY DICK RUNS DEEP. LET TALK. br /> br />Time to play br />I am married and need a woman to play with- you are it...email me and let me know what time tomorrow I can come by and of course where you will be waiting for me br /> br />I am going to... br />Well... I would love to bend you over and stick my finger up your pussy while I lick your ass. Watch you crawl on the floor in your little panties. Have you stick your tits in my face on command! Watch your ass in the mirror while you swallow my cock! br /> br />Of course, the best part about this site is the voice messages. It's like I've got my very own private collection of incoherent heavy breather porn. If I didn't actually have a life, I would love to transcribe them here sometime. Personal ads can be so educational.br />br />div class="title"> h1 class="topic">Why guys can't get laid. (Part II) /h1>span class="topicdate nowrap">Wed, October 24, 2007 - 8:58 AMbr />/span> /div> div class="blogPhoto" id="DIV6b5c8257-8718-4dfe-a759-da57a81c47bd">div align="center"> a href="http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/caf/347/caf347b4-3460-4617-a9fa-f6a013601b4d" onclick="openWin('http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/caf/347/caf347b4-3460-4617-a9fa-f6a013601b4d','popup',600,400,'simple'); return false;">img width="400" height="516" alt="" src="http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/caf/347/caf347b4-3460-4617-a9fa-f6a013601b4d" id="IMG6b5c8257-8718-4dfe-a759-da57a81c47bd" title="open full size image in new window" />/a>/div> /div>br />br />Just received this follow up on my CNamp;R ad: br /> br />"i forgot to mention i live on 30 succuluded fenced acres with a looked gate near bangor i have in my back yard a large oak tree i installed hooks in the tree for suspention and flogging.you will love it lets take advantage of these warm fall afternoons." br /> br />You know, on one hand that sounds lovely. On the other hand, it creeps the living fuck out of me. I mean, I like bondage and all and I'm fairly sure I even have something in that ad about being tied to a tree, but still, for some unexplainable reason, this just set off all kinds of warning bells in my head. I think it is the "succuluded" combined with the "looked" gate that gets me nervous... br /> br />.....it puts the lotions on its little hands, it does....br />br />div class="title"> h1 class="topic">Why guys can't get laid. (Part III) /h1>span class="topicdate nowrap">Mon, November 5, 2007 - 8:38 PMbr />br />/span> /div> received this blunt missive today: br /> br />"I'd luv 2 fuck your tits and your sweet boobs!!" br /> br />um, which first? br />br />br />div class="title"> h1 class="topic">Why guys can't get laid. (Part IV) br />/h1>h1 class="topic">CollarMe Form Letter Exhibit A /h1>span class="topicdate nowrap">Fri, November 16, 2007 - 3:08 PMbr />br />/span> /div> div class="blogPhoto" id="DIVf9a8e115-b2d5-4703-a9d0-d3f0c3d5d770">div align="center"> a href="http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/182/634/182634f9-b793-474b-9ed0-0c2fd2ccb25d" onclick="openWin('http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/182/634/182634f9-b793-474b-9ed0-0c2fd2ccb25d','popup',600,400,'simple'); return false;">img width="450" height="600" alt="" src="http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/182/634/182634f9-b793-474b-9ed0-0c2fd2ccb25d" id="IMGf9a8e115-b2d5-4703-a9d0-d3f0c3d5d770" title="open full size image in new window" />/a>/div> /div>br />br />Okay, here's the deal. I'm already sitting here hot and horny. I just took a shower and am testing out my outfit for tonight, which, if anyone is curious, consists of purple striped stockings, a purple g-string, and a purple striped basic body harness with knots in all the right places and room to build on. So yeah, I'm actually in a pretty receptive mood for once when I go to check my collarme.com messages. If ever there was a chance, this guy had it. How do you think he did? Maybe I'm cynical, but this just didn't ring my bells: br /> br />hello; br /> br />how are you..I hope we can know each other. br /> br />Submission is a "gift" given not to be exploited or violated. the act and gift of submission and absolute slavery is highly honored by Me. br /> br />To me, personality and shared interests are way more important than anything else. br /> br />I am open for everything with the right submissive. I appreciate the emotional bond needed for heart-felt surrender, br /> br />I seeks a submissive with similar thirst for exploration and fun in the lifestyle. br /> br />I feel, I represent everything good in life..and God created My sub to submit to My power.....My sub is My instrument of pleasure. br /> br />I am the one who will take My sub deeper into herself. I offer My sub A foundation of trust, honesty, truly to know one another, respect of limits, protection, correction when necessary, love/caring/affection, understanding, patience, guidance.I br /> br />I believe a Master/submissive relationship is amazing and takes a lot of time and work on both parts but the outcome can be more than either thought . br /> br />Crawl for Me baby br />Be a good slave br />Then just maybe br />I'll give what you crave br />Get down on your knees br />Worship at My feet br />I'll fill all your needs br />Let you Feel the whips heat br />Beg Me for more br />Plead for My attention br />Crawl across the floor br />I'll take you to a new dimension.

p class="blogSubject">LEAP (Law Enforcement Against Prohibition) br />Current mood: img align="absmiddle" alt="" src="http://x.myspace.com/images/blog/moods/iBrads/hopeful.gif" /> hopeful br />Category: a href="http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.viewCategoryamp;FriendID=88519148amp;BlogCategoryID=17">News and Politics/a> /p> center>br />table>tbody>tr>td valign="top" align="center">a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LayaGk0TMDc" target="_new">br />/a>/td>td valign="top" align="center">b>Law Enforcement /b>b>Against Prohibitionbr />br />/b>a href="http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofileamp;friendid=87719378" target="_new">img border="0" alt="" src="http://a576.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/00859/57/57/859307575_m.jpg" />/a>br />b>br />MISSION/b> The mission of LEAP is to reduce the multitude of harms resulting from fighting the War on Drugs and to lessen the rates of death, disease, crime, and addiction by ultimately ending drug prohibition./td>/tr>tr>td colspan="2">b>br />GOALS/b> LEAP's goals are: (1) To educate the public, the media and policymakers about the failure of current drug policy by presenting a true picture of the history, causes and effects of drug use and the elevated crime rates more properly related to drug prohibition than to drug pharmacology and (2) To restore the public's respect for law enforcement, which has been greatly diminished by its involvement in imposing drug prohibition.br /> /td>/tr>/tbody>/table>img alt="" src="http://a206.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/63/l_afb9f986d154b46f05c5356a013a97f5.jpg" target="_new" />img border="0" alt="" src="http://a457.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/54/l_6644177ee347f928c280ba18700be4c0.jpg" />/center> p class="blogContentInfo">b>/b>/p>p class="blogContentInfo">b>b>a href="http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.confirmRemoveamp;blogID=273928089amp;Mytoken=495AB25F-EB4D-4A72-884A195F86CA4E179508505" onclick="if( confirm(#39;Are you sure you want to remove this blog?#39;)){return true;} else {return false;}">b>/b>/a>lj-embed id="5" />a href="http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.confirmRemoveamp;blogID=273928089amp;Mytoken=495AB25F-EB4D-4A72-884A195F86CA4E179508505" onclick="if( confirm(#39;Are you sure you want to remove this blog?#39;)){return true;} else {return false;}">b>b>/b>/b>/a>b>a>b>b>br />/b>/b>/a>b>/b>br />/b>/b>/b>/p>